Dear Potential,

I feel like I’m writing to the man I may have dreamt of in my dreams. Your words so soft and gentle, yet so strong to penetrate my soul.  I’m dying for my next fix-fix of love that is; no pill popping or needle poking here. Just on a roller coaster journey of finding my true destiny-my best friend. Someone that will let me in to his life and allow his ego to accept me willingly when things go wrong. I want someone that I can experience life with-since it is no easy place to live. I don’t want to be your “diamond girl” because diamonds only shine in the light. I’d be your pearl-never dull, just exquisite.

I don’t want a fling, I want to find someone that I can build today for an amazing tomorrow. Conversations about anything, just as long as I know you are in my corner. I want you to be able to stimulate my mind in more ways than one-but most of all intellectually. Me in your world and you in mine. I will make you laugh, I will make you cry, I will make you experience emotions that you never knew existed-all in the name of true love and happiness.

I work for the satellite company that you probably steal from-but that’s ok cuz I barely watch it anyways. So you’re doing damage for you and me. Oh but I love reality TV! Some DASH on E! and Real World on MTV! I don’t let it get to my head-I mean I wasn’t 16 and pregnant!

I love me some RnB, I’m Jamaican so reggae runs through my blood-the only thing not on my iPod right now is R.Kelly…is that cool?

Some may say I’m a diva, a princess, high maintenance-I say I know what I want and I strive for it, the end resulting in it being mine! Nonetheless, I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty to go camping or even check my oil or to change a flat-so don’t be scared by that.

I also like to explore the unknown, be adventurous, hence why I get to explore this curiosity that just put a smile on my face-you.

If you got this far (with a smile on your face) and you’re saying to yourself “no one has yet to express them self to me like this”, then you know what to do…

Essence

At some point in your life there comes a time when your life experiences should not get the best of you and you should be able to prevail.  Apparently that is not the case for some.  The point of going through these tribulations is so that you can come from underneath and make something of your life, to say the least.  How can someone not take enough pride in them self to actually be the change that they wish to see?   Time waits for nobody-and you are no exception to the rule.  At some point, the time should freeze-but only for a millisecond so that you can have an epiphany to turn things around.  Expecting to see a difference in your everyday routine requires you to take the first step and just grow up!  Refusing to find the problem you are facing, allows to repeat the same actions-leading you no where.

So there comes a time-let that time be now, because only you can save yourself.  Make the changes and you’ll see the difference-you’ll no longer run into the same holes.  It is hard to admit to your wrong doings, but they are affecting the future.  Letting go of the past is not easy, but walking on eggshells every day is not satisfying.  If you would take the time to think of those around you instead of seeking that unconditional love in some odd form, you would see what I’m talking about.

There is not much to be done at this point because you have no interest to hear what others have to say.  So all I can do is pray, but unfortunately karma will probably catch up to you before God does…

If I Knew Then…

If I knew then what I know now: I would have never said yes so soon.  I would have taken my time and waited for the right time.

If I knew then what I know now: I would have tried harder to fight you.  I wouldn’t have let you win.  Sometimes things aren’t better when you want it to be.

If I knew then what I know now: I would have asked all the right questions, instead of standing here blowing in the wind.

If I knew then what I know now: That first kiss would have been the last, I would have never taken a walk on the wild side.

If I knew then what I know now: I would have known that the comfort I found within you, was what was missing somewhere else.

If I knew then what I know now: I would have seen the signs and gotten off at the first exit of the bumby ride.

If I knew then what I know now: I wouldn’t be what I am today because it would have never been a lesson that I was willing to learn.

Untouched

The memories are so vivid that not even an HD camera can catch the tiniest of imperfections.

You sit and wonder how it could be so, but the thoughts that rain upon you are deflected.

What should penetrate and cause the slightest pains, turn into the brightest smile.

Your mind crunches every minute and every second that goes by-but your wound needs no healing.

Ripping yourself away from the situation, creating the necessary separation before you drown in the pain…

The pain you tried to shield yourself from all along.

Though there will always be one strong enough to prove you wrong-Never Seen.  Never Heard.  Untouched.

DEPTH

Standing here alone, looking out the window, facing her own reflection.

Her eyes are looking at a women feeling empty. Is the glass half full or half empty? But how does one feel the wrath of cold when her own body is lifeless?

She has lungs-she must be breathing!

She has a heart-the blood’s circulating.

She has legs and arms-she’s animated.

She has a brain-she’s conscious.

She has lips-she can speak.

She has eyes-she can see.

But does having all the tools of life actually make you alive? The reflection sings another melody-one that is not in tune with her own psych.

The heart is broken and can’t take anymore pain, which disconnects her eyes because the only thing flowing are the tears coming through to reside on her cheek.

She thinks that her brain will provide the sense to open her mouth but the tracks never meet-she’s voiceless. Like a child she wishes her eyes will tell her story, only now she bows her head in shame.

And then she has her arms and legs. She can move and jump and wave-but she can never be too animated to hide her inner pains.
Her image seems well put together, but only when she faces her reflection can she finally see what she has been hiding.

How lifeless can one be when you are so animated? When it looks green, is it really greener on the other side?

True strength prevails from within. With strength and faith strong enough to form a smile and use it as a scaffold to hold you up through your struggles and burdens. The eyes could only carry so much depth…but the window will carry and reflect the true beauty.

Let it be the last